Honestly I'm affraid to write this update but kjdwkjqhdwqdk
I'm in my hometown, arrived here 7th Nov. Because it was that bad with grandma and because my mother supposed sell her flat and needed help with finding new one. Supposed, because in day of singing papers buyer resigned I: It was double irritating considering that they state that they are sure at 100% and have moneys on hand and sososososososoSO sure that asked my mother to cancel next eventual buyers. Yeah I:
Grandma is one big unknown, that's why I seriously affraid because it's whole time one step forward, two steps back. Like few days ago she had yet another crisis and everyone was sure that it's almost end, while now she did serious progres and it's good. Heart strenghthened so much that doctors again consider amputation of her legs (or rather one leg and part of another). They wanted did it, but before grandma would die on table so it was pointless. Now, with all that progress it's needed because first of all those legs are rotted, secondly infection would kill her.
Thing is that I really really worry that all that good news are just temporary again I: Because alllll the time it spin, or rather is real sinusoid considering how rapidly her health state can change.
Mother visit grandma each day, I was just once. Shame on me but I just can't and don't want see her in hospital. Just couldn't hold tears then qwkjdqwdjlkwq
Generally grandma amaze doctors. Obviously she is still under respirator, she never ever won't back to normal functioning since her brain is too damaged and basically she is vegetable BUT something make grandma want to live.
Nothing lasts forever with other hand, that's why each day is filled with fear I:
I didn't get crazy thanks to all those dumb unimportant things that distract me. Mainly Flight Rising. I even can't explain why I get addicted THAT much but yeah. Here is link to my clan profile if anyone play as well flightrising.com/main.php?p=la…
~~ or just type "oswo" in search bar
I couldn't visit DA earlier because I want keep it in secret. Just because my mother have total lack of own life and she would instantly stalk me. I:
Now is finally opportunity, so I will soon reply to all messages. Really really sorry that I'm so fucking slow with everything again.
Few minutes ago my mother called to me and cried because grandma is dying.
Grandma landed in hospital around 2 weeks ago - she got extensive myocardial, lost consciousness and landed under respirator and her state was critical. She was in coma, few days in clinical death. Even then doctor openly said that "they did everything possible and only miracle can save her but personally he don't believe in miracles" (then she had swoolen brain and absolutelly no organ functioning, it was just on her that she decide back to life).
Then it was few steps forward and one back, when finally few days ago she woked up from coma and had tracheotomy (she was still under respirator but as support for her own breathing). So awesome, yeah?
Today turned out that no, because all of sudden grandma get drastically worse. Doctors openly said to my mother that it will be end and that she say goodbye and allow grandma pass.
My grandma still live, so I still have hope especially since during those weeks it won't be first time when she get worse all of sudden. But with other hand it's most seriosu from them all.
After all it was first time when my mother break and cried to phone so yeah ;_;
Also most likely it's not good moment for "coming out" but kjhdqwkhdkwqjhwkehfkjwe I have borderline.
I fight with it but yeah. I even can't predict how I will act.
Right now I search distractions to not get crazy. I desperatelly need cringle to something positive.
I need finally submit bazilion things, maybe now I will do it, if I will able focus gdhqwdqhgdjqwgdjhqwjdghjq